Today was not an easy day. For Miriam or for me. If the theme for day three was forgetting (Miriam forgot her lunch, Monwa forgot to eat breakfast before leaving home, and I forgot to take my daily medication), the theme for day four is emotion. It's been an emotional roller coaster of a day.
The process for me is, as in year's past, a reflective one. It's a chance to slow down and not take things for granted. Even things that I believe deep down can sometimes be overlooked when I live life in a hurry. For example, poorer people tend to walk long distances in South Africa and there are often people walking on the sides of busy streets. They often walk slow and steady up and down the hills of Durban. At times I think if some of them just walked faster they could use it as a way to get into good shape and build muscle. When I reflect on it I know that walking such long distances requires using more energy and those who walk to their work or schools must wake up earlier and end their days later than others. When I am living off of $1 a day, I am reminded how much less energy we have when we don't have access to quality, nutritious food. Most people walking don't have enough stored energy to make a workout of it; they're walking for necessity.
Living below the line forces me to slow things down because my energy is low, but also because we base so many activities around food. We go to the grocery store or have drinks with colleagues after work. We meet up with friends for a coffee or a bite to eat. Living below the line means a lot of time at home to think. And the thinking is not just about food. It's about everything in my life and what I value. Today was about getting down to my core: what is it that I want in this world, and am I living in my truth?
It may sound heavy, and heavy it is. When food is always available at our finger tips, we tend to over-indulge. But gluttony doesn't end with food. We fill our days with commitments and activities, lull our brains with TV and internet. I shop for clothes in excess to fill some sort of void. I run away from difficult issues by focussing on work or school or some other means of feeling "on top" or "in control." But at the heart of it, I don't want "things." I don't want the fanciest house or the prestigious appointment. I don't need my Dad for a down payment or for getting me out of a jam. I want real, authentic relationships. I want my family near to me. The one I came from and the one I am building. Even if that closeness isn't always in space. I want to be able to give my dad back all that he has sacrificed for me. I want to show my brothers how much they shaped me and helped me become who I am. I want to give my foster daughter the love and support that she needs. I want to be a partner that gives as much support as she receives. I want to savour the moments in life with family, friends and my pets. I don't want to be rushed. I don't want to be spread thin. I want to always be the me I am after an hour of yoga or a good long run. The woman I am after I submit an assignment that I'm proud of. Someone who is collected, reflective, and able to give the time that I have to things that are worthwhile.
I know it's impossible to always be aware and conscious and patient, but I appreciate this reminder. To those who read this, I do hope you consider trying this challenge one day, even if it's not for charity. In the end it encourages you to be charitable to those around you, and really honest with yourself.
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